Most of you either know my husband or know of my husband. But even his closest friends and family are completely unaware of his dark secret. My husband has a disability. A mental one. It's called OGS, or Obsessive Griswold Syndrome.
While most wives would view this as a very expensive and time consuming handicap, I embrace it. To me (the creative, big project lover), his OGS is a gift wrapped in multicolored LEDs topped with fresh noble fir garland. I'm, of course, referencing the *Award Winning* Gingerbread House of 2010 and the blazing white spectacle that was the 5,000 sq ft my-neighbor-is-deployed-so-I'll-make-his-kids-happy-by-putting-lights-on-their-side-of-our-duplex-too Christmas display in North Carolina, affectionately nick-named the Icicle House. He was over the moon after that one because, for the first time since joining the military, our exterior lighting was perfectly balanced : )
He is so particular about his exterior lighting and decorating, that he has developed a point system which he uses to evaluate not only our home, but everyone else as well. I'm not sure how many points everyone starts with, but points are deducted for each day your lights are up and ON before Thanksgiving, sagging lights, blinking sections combined with fading/running/non-blinking sections, rope lights, blow ups (that's a lazy man's Christmas decor), using only one color (white is the exception) . . . the list goes on and on and, frankly, I don't even know it all and am pretty sure he makes up more deductions as we go. I'm sure there are bonus points, but no one's earned them yet to my knowledge.
This year is no different, except that he's been presented with obstacles we've never encountered before. First, we skipped decorating the weekend following Thanksgiving because my parents were in town. Big mistake. Apparently, the snow can't stay at bay long after Thanksgiving in Colorado. We had every intention of creating his Christmas masterpiece this weekend. That is, until we checked the weather forecast yesterday. Snow . . . all weekend . . . and lots of it.
The ground work can be done rain or shine and so can the icicles since we invested in a ladder yesterday, but the trim lights require climbing onto the roof and that can NOT be done on a wet, snowy, steep pitched second story. So last night my husband, completely overwhelmed by his OGS, mounted the ladder and ascended to the roof where he completed the trim lights in the freezing cold pitch blackness of night. And I, the ever faithful and always concerned wife, stayed outside with him (on the ground), tossing bags of gutter clips and extra strands of lights up on the roof for him.
By the time we reached the back side of the house, we had worked through all the spools of lights we had purchased this year. He was so careful, even spent a little extra per spool, to buy Phillips lights only, since that was the brand we purchased last year and they MUST match exactly. It was only after I retrieved the bin of lights leftover from last year's gingerbread creation from the garage and tossed a strand up onto the roof that he realized Philips had betrayed us. Some disgraceful schlub at Philips headquarters whose sole job is to come up with ways to make even more money off men who suffer from the same mental disorder as my husband, realized that if they added an extra colored bulp . . . purple . . . to the pattern of colored lights, men with OGS will be forced to trash last year's strands and replace them all with the new purple strands or be left to suffer with mismatched strands. So my husband had a decision to make: Use last year's strands on the least visible side of the house and deduct points, or descend from the roof and haul off to Target and risk being gone long enough for the storm to blow in. The stress was almost too much to bear. But finally, he came to the conclusion that missing an entire section of lights (all be it the far back corner) due to snow was utterly unacceptable. He hung last year's strands and took his deductions like a man.
Though, I have a strong feeling I'll be heading to Target this weekend just in case the Philips punks decide to add periwinkle or chartreuse next year.
At this point, my husband's poor fingers were near frost bite stage. I commented, JOKINGLY, that he didn't have to put a clip on each individual bulb and save his fingers by only putting a clip on every fifth bulb. Would go so much faster! What follows is his rebuttle:
"Not acceptable. I refuse to have flaccid lights. Each bulb must stand erect. Christmas lights on Viagra!"
I do love him . . . . so much : )
Hanging our "gingerbread" last year
Pics of this years lights will be posted after the snow stops falling this weekend.
And here they are! I love having a husband that can take any crazy idea I have for a Christmas theme and make it reality. I mentioned possibly doing the Calvin and Hobbs snowmen next year . . . .
. . . he's already researching do-it-yourself snow making machines.
I'm a faithful and devout news watcher. It's an addiction that I've managed since childhood that I fed by committing 90% of my time in high school to journalism, which then led to majoring in Mass Comm/Journalism with a minor in History (they kind of go hand-in-hand). My failed attempt at college did nothing to lessen my love for the news of the day. In my immaturity, I leaned on the likes of "Good Morning America" and the ever vigilant News Channel 10 and their consistant coverage of all things positive going on in Amarillo. As I transitioned from naive teenager to informed 20-something, I discovered the likes of CNN and MSNBC. After joining the military, my narrow focus broadened and things like the Chamber Cook-Off and a two-car accident blocking traffic going into the mall were replaced by the plight of natives in the Congo and China's tightening grip on America. I suppose that being in the military made me feel more a part of the world, rather than just another person taking up space in our little corner of the Texas Panhandle. Hurricane Katrina took this from a personal hypothesis to an understood truth. Like many, I was glued to the continuing coverage, especially after Chris volunteered to go down with the 82nd to assist as a medic. Seeing the familiar face of a neighbor and knowing your husband is right behind him on national cable news solidifies the idea that we are a part of something bigger.
While Chris was deployed to Iraq, I discovered a prime time cable news program called "Scarborough Country". Joe Scarborough was the host, a former republican congressman from Florida who always seemed to be saying exactly what I was thinking. I've continued to follow Joe as his show grew in popularity and eventually replaced Imus and became "Morning Joe," a more balanced a broad political news program that I'm forced to DVR since it's on at 3am on the West Coast (the up-side is that I can fast-forward through the commercials turning it into a two and a quarter rather than three hour show). It's both entertaining and serious, light and intelligent. And it's all politics or the political side of whatever might be the top stories of the day.
I don't always agree with Joe, and I don't always disagree with Mika, his left-leaning co-host. But one thing all three of us agree on is that this country is headed down the proverbial toilet faster than we're able to cut off the water. And sadly our elected officials are the ones holding down the handle.
Now, those inside the D.C. Beltway would ask what qualifies me to have an opinion and, even worse, offer up solutions to the problems facing this great nation. Well I'll tell you. First, I'm old enough to vote and I do not vote based on who is pro-life or pro-gay or whatever. I vote based on who has a plan and whether or not I like it. Second, I know my stuff. Probably more than, say, Sarah Palin or the new trending front runner, Herman Cain. I follow politics like my husband follows baseball. I read the books, watch the documentaries and listen to the commentaries. Third, I am a student of History as much as I am of politics, which unfortunately is not the case for most of our elected officials who seem to think Reagan never raised taxes. Lastly, I am a person with a brain, not a fund raising robot whose only programmed function is to run for re-election. I am a young mother, a wife of a soldier turned civilian, a home school educator and, frankly, this is a blog so I can say what I want and if you don't like it, don't follow it. So here's my plan (the short and simple version for people who work for a living): Federal Income Tax- This one seems like a no-brainer to me. You make money, you pay taxes. You make more money, you pay more taxes. I don't care if you give to charity or buy a Prius. What you do with your pay check is your business. But it's your responsibility as a US citizen to pay your taxes. A household with an income of $50k or less should pay 5%, $51k-$150k should pay 7%, $151k to $500k should pay 10%, and anything over $501k should pay 15%. No loop holes, no write-offs, no deductions. Corporate Tax- Businesses should pay 15% on revenues for that fiscal year. Period. Not the 35% that Comcast pays or the 0% (that's right, I said 0%) that GE pays. To promote growth, you offer a 5% reduction if the business can show proof of consistent growth over a minimum of three years. The business will receive the reduced rate for two years, and after re-evaluation, if they can still show proof of consistent growth, they continue to receive the discounted rate. Again, no loop holes, no write-offs and no deductions. Honest math makes honest businesses. Subsidies and Bail Outs- No more! The idea behind starting a business is to be profitable. If you cannot turn a profit or, at the very least, make enough to pay your bills, you should not be in business. *Note: All you ag people quit huffing and puffing, I'll get to you in a minute.* I was in Kindergarten when my dad opened his own print shop. I watched it grow as I did, and then I watched it begin to level off as I did. But, before the shop started to decline, my dad did what any smart business man would do and sold it. And he IS smart, and I have faith that, with some optimism, he'll find a new niche and grow another profitable business. But that's the point. Do good, or don't do it at all. But certainly don't do bad then turn to the government for money. And if there is no market or no demand for whatever it is that you want to sell/grow/develop, the federal government should not be the bank you turn to for funding. If you can find some wealthy sap willing to foot the bill for your electric space ship, more power to you. But if tax payers don't want it, then they shouldn't have to pay for it. Risk and revenue do not make good bedfellows. Wall Street/Banks- This is where my expertise is lacking. But to be completely honest, I'm pretty sure no one really knows what's going on in the financial system, not even those people involved with it. Here's what I know and I'll just leave it at this: If you want to risk your life savings on something that's not guaranteed and you want to pay someone else to do it, then that's your business and you deal with the rewards or the consequences. BUT, said paid risk takers should be held responsible for obeying the law (i.e. Bernie Madoff). There's a difference between being a crappy trader and a thief. Thieves go to jail, crappy traders get fired. Banks should not be allowed to become "too big to fail". I realize that just because 100 people put $100,000 each into the same branch of BofA doesn't mean that all 100 people will be able to go withdraw that exact amount from that same branch all at the same time. BUT, banks should not be allowed to play a game of Risk with our money, investments and mortgages. Banks are supposed to be the safe place for money. So regulate the snot out of them. Also, all these fees are ludicrous. If an account only has $5 in it and the holder tries to buy something for $10, decline the card. If I don't sign up for overdraft protection and you allow me to make a $40 purchase when there's only $20 in my account, you shouldn't be able to charge me $35 per day that I'm overdrawn. That's on you, Mr. Bank. If you sign up for overdraft protection, then you agree to pay the fee. If not, you can't overdraw your account. Back in the day, we called that bouncing a check and it would earn you the privilege of having your name and your check stamped with "INSUFFICIENT FUNDS" taped to the cash register at your favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant for God and all of your Friday night margarita chums to see, forever shaming you from that establishment. And why in the world are banks allowed to charge me a $5 fee just for USING my debit card?! Just because the banks decide to risk it all in the credit card game doesn't mean those of us who are responsible "debit card only" customers should have to make up for their lost revenue. Again, Mr. Bank, that's on you. So I guess the long and short of the Wall Street/Banks section of my fiscal policy is "Regulate, Regulate, REGULATE!"E Education- Again, this seems to me like a no-brainer. K-12: For public schools, use what's working. And the only thing working in public schools right now are charter schools. Take the leaders of the most successful schools in America, most being charter schools, find out what they're doing, and implement those ideas into the public school system. No, not all schools are created equal and I get that. But if a school is failing, give it an ultimatum. Fix the problem, or lose your school. If the problem is leadership, change the leadership. If the problem is teachers, change the teachers. If the walls are falling down, then fix the darn walls! Districts should be held accountable by the state and the state should be held accountable by the fed. If a district doesn't allocate money to replace broken toilets in an older school in a poor neighborhood, opting instead to build a new football stadium, then the state steps in, removes leadership and puts new, good ones in place. If a teacher has been there for 20 years but her kids aren't learning a darn thing, then fire HER, not the brand new, excited, enthusiastic teacher that all the kids love and can't wait to learn from every day. Teachers cannot be graded on tests alone. If that were the case, I'd be a horrible teacher. My daughter can't take a test to save her life. Looking at fractions on a piece of paper makes her head spin, but she can double the ingredients to a recipe with no problem at all, and she can measure me, create a pattern and sew me dress without ever second guessing herself. That's how I know I'm not failing as a home school teacher. Public school teachers are no different. A kid may bomb the annual standardized test, but their mom will tell you they've progressed SO MUCH since having Mrs. Smith. The kid will tell you they used to hate reading, but now they love it because of Mrs. Smith. And Mrs. Smith's grade book will show you that the kid, a third grader, has gone from an early first grade level of comprehension to a late second/early third grade level of comprehension, all in less than ten months. That, my friends, is good teaching. Standardized tests should only be used to make sure the school, district and state are not falling behind national and international standards. They should NOT be used to judge the quality of a teacher. *Note: I am a firm believer in the rights of a parent. Those rights should not be questioned or compromised, especially not by the government. If a parent, who works and lives in a home which provides revenue for the school district, wants to place their child in an alternate form of eduction (private, religious, specialty or home school) that is their right and it should not be questioned or the chosen curriculum questioned or dictated by anyone other than the parent responsible.* Higher Ed: College is expensive. Always has been. This is why parents used to have what was called a "college fund" which, in its simplest form, was a savings account parents would open when their kids were very small and they would deposit money into regularly until their child graduated. It's a simple concept, but with the introduction of this thing called "student loans" in the late 80's which turned into an epidemic of loan dependency in the 90's and early 21st century, parents no longer save money for college and instead strap their recent grads with mountains of debt without the guarantee of a pay check to get rid of it. My solution? Get rid of student loans. If your mom and dad didn't save for college, get a job and pay for it yourself. Or work hard in high school and get some scholarships. And a job. Because, like I said before, college is expensive. Also, go where you can afford to go. While I would love for at least one of my kids to graduate from the University of Texas at Austin, I'm very aware of how absurdly expensive it is, especially since it's out of state. There are hundreds of very good schools out there that will get you the exact same education, if not better, at half the price. Save your Hook 'Em Horns! shirt for Saturdays in the fall and go instead to a school that you can afford and whose colors actually complement your skin tone. The "Service for School" Plan: The military has been trying to resolve its budget and retention issues for years. Well, I have the solution. Four years of service for four years of college. No, not the G.I. Bill that's currently in place and needs to stay in place for people like us who enlisted in the military after we were married and had kids. No, this is for kids fresh out of high school who want to go to college but can't. Join the Army, get a roof over your head, three meals a day, free health care and dental, uniforms to wear for every occasion and a good lesson in leadership and personal responsibility. No salary. Instead, four years of college at the state school of their choice in their home state with room and board and books paid in full. They'll have to get a part time job if they want to eat out or whatever, but after four years in the service, they'll be disciplined enough to handle it and not flunk out. Problem solved. Medicare- Again, "Regulate, Regulate, REGULATE!" Billions of dollars in fraudulent charges are being overlooked and Medicare is collapsing because of it. Hire a group of people whose sole job is to seek out those who are screwing the government and go after them. Make them pay for it, then deny them the ability to accept Medicare. Just the thought of the possibility of this happening is enough to scare most people out of defrauding the government. Also, quit with the drug rights thing! Allow pharmaceutical companies to make generic forms of any prescription drug just 12 months after the boutique brand comes out. This will save millions. Social Security- I'm sorry, but if you pay into it, you should be able to get it back. BUT, if you choose to continue working until you're 90, then you shouldn't get SSI until you're 90. If you have millions of dollars just lying around for a rainy day, then you shouldn't get SSI. If you're like me and you have contributed very little because you chose to stay at home and raise your kids, then you better hope those kids love you enough to take you in and support you once your husband and his income can no longer do so. Social Security is just that, SECURITY. It's to make sure you don't starve to death at 87. It's not for paying a mortgage, cell bill, cable, groceries, gas and Christmas presents for all 37 grand kids. If you want to retire, save money for it, pay off your house and don't buy a new Audi at 64. Foreign Policy- 1) We don't negotiate with terrorists . . . ever. 2) Just because you have oil doesn't mean we have to support your decision to slaughter your own people. But Israel has our support no matter what. 3) The best offense is a good defense. The war on terror can't be won when the opponents have home field advantage. Bring our troops home, save money, save lives, build up your military, your weapons and your borders so that no one would dare enter our country by air, land or sea because they would know they'd never make it five minutes inside our territorial border. Illegal Immigration- The best way to put a halt to illegal immigration is not by chasing after illegal immigrants, but instead chasing after the people who employ them. Fine the employers $10,000 per person they hired that doesn't have papers. And the employer doesn't have to prove or not prove that the immigrant works for them. If INS comes in and there's illegals in your fields or in your factory, that's $10k per head. If they come back next week and there's new illegals, that's another $10k per head. Eventually, no one will hire them and they'll all have to go back home. As far as drugs and bad guys go, a fence will not stop them. Not even a 20 foot tall one with barbed wire that's electrified, Mr. Cain. Again, the best offense is a good defense. Since the border patrol is already part of homeland security, make them soldiers. Pay them like soldiers. Give them the same benefits as soldiers and arm them like soldiers. Problem solved again. The Obesity Crisis- Mandate that school lunches be healthy . . . and I mean really healthy, not this corn and chicken nuggets nonsense that's going on right now. Also, if an adult chooses to eat a quarter pounder every day for lunch, then they should have to pay more for health insurance. So should smokers, by the way. Give them six months to lose the weight, six months to keep it off, and if they can't, their premiums go up. Yes, there is a disparity when it comes to poor people and obesity. But the fact of the matter is that it's cheaper to be fat. Junk food is cheaper than healthy food. So tax junk food. Also, give a $30,000 annual allotment to farms that grow edible fruits, veggies and meat (there you go, ag people). That money can be used to support their families so that the money they make off their crops can be used to plant more crops and buy new equipment. If a farmer wants to grow corn for ethanol, let Conoco Philips pay them. Environment- Tax gas till you're blue in the face. The fastest way to get clean energy implemented and reduce our independence on foreign oil is to make gas too expensive to consume at the rate we are consuming it now. Also, invest in new roads, more railways for trains that actually move people (i.e. high speed rail) and cleaner energy sources. It won't make us any money, but the gas tax will pay for it and we'll benefit in the long run.
So that's pretty much it in a nut shell. No, I'm not running for office . . . I don't have the patience : ) But if I can sit down at my computer one afternoon with three kids running around all crazy and having to stop typing every five minutes to get chocolate milk or comfort a crying 4th grader who just got beat up by her 2 year old sister and still come up with all this, then why can't someone with a title and a much bigger pay check do it? I'm just sayin' . . . .
In my eleven years as a wife and mother, I've come to the conclusion that all wives/moms must be insane. We spend all day doing dishes only to find full sinks before we head off to bed. We fold mounds of laundry only to find full laundry baskets the next day. We pick up shoes, hang up jackets, vacuum, dust and clean bathrooms just to find everything back how we found it before we set out to clean it.
It's been a whole month since I started Week One of my Rita Project (I know, I know). I knew my resolution to boost energy and get healthy was going to be one of the hardest parts of my project, but I had no idea that it would take everything I had to just get the ball rolling and keep it in a straight line.
I never realized how much I used food to "feel better." When I would get behind on housework, I'd suggest eating out for two reasons: 1) the food would be good and I wasn't the one cooking it and 2) no additional mess! So if the kitchen was clean, I'd suggest dinner out so it might actually stay that way. Avoid insanity.
I was also really bad about using food to calm my nerves. Life in the military is stressful, to say the least, and when everything that civilians take for granted as "constants" in their lives are constantly changing in ours, food was my "constant." Food and family. I can't think of anything more comforting and reassuring than sitting down with Chris and the kids around the dinner table to smoked pork ribs or pulled pork sandwiches, mac-n-cheese (the baked kind with the crusty top) and a cold glass of sweet tea to wash it down. No matter what bad news came or what plans changed, after dinner I'd be calm and would be able to say to myself, "Everything is going to be ok." And what about when something would hit the fan in the middle of the day and there were no ribs or roasts in the smoker? That's easy! Dr. Pepper to the rescue! It cures knotted stomachs, massive migraines and rattled nerves. Pair it with a big bag of cinnamon bears or Twizzlers and you have the worlds cheapest, most readily available anti-anxiety/anti-depressant.
But the ultimate obstacle I have faced is the reason why America as a whole struggles with obesity and poor health: being fit and healthy takes time . . . and money. In order to reap the full benefits of fruits and veggies, they have to be consumed raw, fresh and organic. Organic in general is more expensive than the food that's been chemically treated with preservatives and pesticides. But buying fresh and organic means that, until you establish a new grocery shopping routine, you're going to be throwing out a lot of limp veggies. Add to that the cost (time and money) of driving to the grocery store three times a week. Sure we save money by not buying meats and dairy products, but until we figure out this new lifestyle (how long things last, what tastes good and what we just can't bring ourselves to eat), we'll be putting money in the garbage in the form of dead veggies. On top of the food itself, there are all these new things I had to buy to prepare the food. No more pots and pans, but instead we had to buy a mandolin slicer, a heavy duty food processor, a juicer and a wok. All I have to say is thank goodness for Ikea : )
We already broke our juicer, by the way. We can't afford the good ones, so we had to buy the best we could for under $100. Needless to say, I don't think you can actually buy a good juicer for under $100 and actually use it every day.
So where was I . . . . oh yes, time and money. Money for better quality food that will eventually even out once we learn how to plan better and aren't filling our cart with staples like nutritional yeast and grape seed oil. Money we'll save when we can eventually fork over the $2,500 for a Norwalk juicer. Spend now, save later (I could fill my closet with Fluevog's for less than that, but that's ok). And TIME, oh my goodness. Making humus takes over 24 hours doing it the right way. Pizza takes even longer. I've never been good at planning meals, so I've nearly thrown in the towel several times and just driven to McD's after realizing at 4pm that the dinner I want to fix takes eight hours to prepare.
And that's just the food part. Being fit is a whole other ball game. One big advantage of living on a large military installation is a free gym with free childcare. But they certainly don't make it easy to access.
One thing you should know about me is that, with exercise, motivation doesn't come naturally. And when motivation does come, I have to seize it and start using it immediately or it will fizzle and die, never to be heard from again. I was blessed with motivation in the form of a friend inviting me to spinning class last week. I didn't even know they offered it! I was super stoked and ready to jump right in, but . . . oh wait . . . my kids weren't registered with CYS (Child & Youth Services). If you're military, you're probably like "WHAT?! That's the FIRST thing you do when you move!" Yes, I know the only way for military kids to do ANYTHING is to register with CYS
Time. . . money. . . patience. . . persistence.
Let it go.
Do it now.
Told you those commandments would come in handy. . . I got this : )
At one point, I had about six different calendars in my house. Chris hated it, always being reminded of how busy we are, so I consolidated and now only have one monthly and one weekly calendar, both of which aren't really calendars at all. My monthly calendar is on my computer, which I love because I can color-code everything without fear of misplacing my one purple pen that Annabelle insisted would be HER color. Another great thing about having your calendar on the computer is that you can, with just one click of the mouse, make it disappear all together. Even though you're fully aware of all the goings-on that are right around the corner, there's no big giant reminder burning your eyeballs every time you glance in its direction.
My weekly calendar is also not a traditional calendar, but instead a big dry erase board that my lovely husband made to look all professional, with days-of-the-week columns and blocks for each member of our little household. This is the calendar that gets a little nuts at times. I write down everything from daily chores to school work assignments on it. I'm pretty sure Chris hates this one, but I did him and favor and blocked it from his normal line of sight with a bookshelf. To be honest, I've really neglected this one recently, being summer and all. I am choosing not to patronize the kids by writing down every little thing they have to do every day and instead just letting them enjoy the summer.
While getting rid of all the obnoxious calendars has helped to lower the stress level in our home, it's made me somewhat lost. I'm a tangible person. I like things I can hold and touch and, most especially, write on. If I write something down, I remember it. I used to copy whole chapters of school books into notebooks just so I'd never have to really study. I assumed the computer would work, but apparently my brain does not process typing the same way it processes writing. Long story short, I'm forgetting a lot.
For instance, when planning out my Rita Project (on my nice, tidy little $.79 spiral notebook), I forgot to factor in my kamikaze trip to Wyoming, the week needed to introduce the kids to their new diet, the MONTH (or more) needed to rehabilitate the kids after three weeks of spoiling by grandparents and aunts, the four weeks I'd need to take off from "exerting myself" after my little procedure, etc. On paper, taking one week to conquer one month of resolutions seemed doable. But, as we all know, everything always looks good on paper. Applying what you've written to real life is something else entirely.
If there is anything that the Army has taught me, it's how to be flexible. Plans change, problems arise. Adapt and survive . . . or resist at your own peril. So in order to avoid certain defeat, I'm adapting my project. Rather than fail due to frustration from missing deadlines I set for myself, I have chosen to move at the pace of the household.
That being said, we're still on Week One: Boost Energy/Get Healthy. And that we have! We are all adjusting to the raw vegan diet really well. I think the part that I love the most is that Chris is so involved in the process. He's helping me prepare meals, the kitchen is almost always clean with his help, and he's taken over the job of "Master Juicer". It's amazing how something as simple as changing your diet can benefit your marriage in such a huge way.
The kids aren't as enthusiastic about the new healthy eating plan, but they're coming around. I'm pretty sure part of the problem stemmed from someone back in Texas spilling the beans (pardon the pun) before Chris and I were able to explain the diet and why we had chosen to do it. When I went to pick them up in Wyoming, I was greeted with, "Are we really never going to eat pizza again?!" and, "But doughnuts and ice cream are my favorites!" Apparently, after they'd put food in their mouths, someone would say, "Enjoy that because you never get to eat it again." Awesome.
But we've overcome and they're enjoying more every day (especially once they found out that cookies and ice cream are actually acceptable if made from the right ingredients). I'd be fibbing if I told you that everything is delicious. As much as I want to be able to say that I like Dolse and kelp noodles covered in ground nuts, I just can't. But that, my friends, is why I have my first commandment: Be Acasha.
And being Acasha means not liking stuff that tastes like a piece of seaweed fresh out of the toilet bowl or has the texture of paper mache paste.
But again, progress is being made, just not on my original schedule. I'll take it though : )
This week's focus is on organization and clearing the clutter. My bedroom sanctuary has been achieved (now if I could only keep the toddler out) and I'm moving on to the rest of the house. The idea is purge first, then organize. Purging has actually been quite exhilarating, and I plan on sharing my "Secrets of Purging" at the end of the week so that you can be as productive and clutter-free as I will be!
Maybe my initial approach was too ambitious. After all, slow and steady does win the race, so maybe slowing down and focusing more time and energy on each individual resolution will help me to have a more enriching experience. Who needs schedules and deadlines anyways? Not this girl!
PS: I have lost an amazing 15lbs and Chris has lost 20lbs since starting this new diet just three weeks ago! And that's without exercising (since I can't "exert myself" till next week, according to my dr.)!
So not long after I started my little blog, I began realizing that I should set some rules for my self. Of course, this realization only came after saying a few things I wished I hadn't, but hindsight is 20/20. While my rules are few, number one is certainly the most important: Don't write about a problem until after you've solved it. Some of you may disagree, explaining that sharing your current predicament with the world would give others the opportunity to provide an unbiased perspective on the situation. While this is true, I can't agree that it's helpful. Just because something works for someone else doesn't mean that it would work for me. And while I could say that I wouldn't let others opinions influence my choices, I'd be fibbing. Once you read something, especially when it relates to you on some level, it's stuck in the back of your head and will be recalled whether you intend to or not.
That being said, now on to why I've been on hiatus. It wasn't a problem, per say. More like a situation. One that I was having a little trouble dealing with.
Right after I had Bonnie, I went in for my post-baby removal (she was removed, not spit out) and had the normal girly tests done, only the results didn't come back so normal. So they did biopsies and discovered that I was in the early stages of cervical cancer. Since this is a military facility, they are very vague and not helpful when it comes to offering up explanations of findings and such. So naturally, I went home and googled the heck out of it. At the stage I was at, it was very easy to get rid of with something called a L.E.E.P. procedure (I'll spare y'all the details). Chris and I had already remedied the hyper-fertility problem, so since we didn't plan on having more little imps running around, there should be no reason to not do it, right? WRONG. Before I could even get a call back from my doctor after leaving several messages, I got a letter from the OB/GYN department saying they decided on a course of action . . . or lack there of . . . and that they'd see me in a year to see if I'd progressed. I finally reached my PCM (primary care manager for those of you who are lucky enough to not have government-run insurance) and she said that TriCare (government-run health insurance) won't allow any procedures until you've reached Stage 1 and are sent to oncology. The girly doctor department is so backed up with post-deployment pregnancies that being seen once a year is about as good as they can do. So can I get a referral to go off post? Nope. Can I get a second opinion? Nope. Can I pay for an off post doctor to do a second opinion myself? Well sure! If you have the money (which I didn't) and if you're prepared to get the door slammed in your face when you come back to Madigan. Apparently, Madigan (or maybe this is all military medical facilities) doesn't take too kindly to us not liking their diagnosis and going elsewhere on our own dime. They absolutely WILL NOT consider any and all anything from an outside physician. Period. So I waited my one year. I went back in, had another biopsy and guess what . . . I got worse. Not bad enough to warrant treatment of course, but bad enough to need to be seen in six months rather than twelve. Yay. So helpful. So I waited again, got yet another biopsy (considering the location I'm sure you all can assume how NOT FUN these appointments were), then got the same news again. Getting worse, but not bad enough for treatment and not fast enough to need to be seen anytime soon. At this point I'm begging them to please just take all the girly parts out. They're all messed up anyways and I don't need them anymore. Of course they would absolutely not even consider this. Because after all, I'm only 29 . . . with three kids . . . and a messed up cervix . . . and I may change my mind and want to have even MORE kids. So dumb.
(Side note: Why in the world is the military not encouraging sterilization? They won't allow anyone under 26 to be "fixed" no matter how many kids they have. They won't allow anyone under 30 to be "fixed" if they only have one kid and are content with that. They won't allow single parents to be "fixed" and they will pay for you to get a boob job to attract a mate, they'll pay for you to get in vitro fertilization if your mate can't do the job, and they'll pay for you to get gastric bypass and psychotherapy when said mate bails on you for gaining too much baby weight . . . . but they won't pay for preventive medicine . . . so stupid. Ok, off my soap box)
So anyways, somewhere in the middle of all this, my PCM had prescribed something to fix my other girly problems (told you they were all messed up) and come to find out, one of the side effects of that particular medicine is that it can accelerate the growth rate of cancerous cells. Genius. I'm sure you're all jumping off your chairs to go sign up for Obama-care.
Long story short, the last time I went in for yet another biopsy, the doctor's tone made me realize that it finally had gotten bad enough. When the lab results came back, she called me to confirm the assumption and to let me know that oncology would be handling my appointments from now on. And that I'd finally be getting that procedure I'd been asking for. I think she was a little put-off by my not upset-ness. After all, I'm supposed to want to NOT have cancer . . . and to continue with the uncomfortable biopsies every three to six months for ever and ever. No thank you.
Get worse to get better, that's what I'd been telling myself for some time now. But I wasn't better. I was actually much, much worse. I woke up the next morning with horrible stomach and chest pains, aching in all my joints and my hands were shaking like I hadn't eaten in a week. Poor Chris didn't know what to do with me. I didn't feel sick, so I didn't want to go to the ER (since with government care you can't get a same-day with your PCM). I just felt like the whole world was collapsing down on top of me. Apparently, there's something called Sudden Onset Hyperactive Stress Disorder. It's what happens when a person copes well under constant high levels of stress but experiences a "trigger event" (my cancer call) that causes a break. Like a normal person's panic/anxiety attack times 1,000. Come to find out, constantly needing to control the chaos is actually a bad thing. My new life motto needs to be "Let it be."
I got over my ordeal in a couple days, constantly repeating in my head that I had to get worse to get better. But I still had to tell my mom, among other things. Then the "Welcome!" letter came from the oncology department. That was so weird. Like they have to be friendly but serious. I deal much better with sarcasm and inappropriate jokes. So anywho, that's where I've been and what I've been doing. Making the day to day more important than what's going on inside. Going on field trips with the kids, putting together Annabelle's bridging ceremony for Girl Scouts, going to my favorite little beach, Solo Point, with the whole family, taking lots of pictures. I know what I have is not near as bad as most I'll see when I go up to oncology in a couple weeks, but it's still a big deal to me. My procedure is July 14th. The kids will be in Texas with Mom and Dad suffering from heat exhaustion, Chris used me as an excuse to get off work so he'll be bringing me fresh fruit and keeping Bonnie busy. I plan on milking it for as long as I can : )
Get worse to get better . . . . and get better, I will.
